Are You Listening?

Later in her life, I would help Grandma get her socks on when she visited.  She couldn't bend over by then, and she had - what she called - a funny toe.

“Get it over the funny toe first,” she’d advise.  And it was funny looking to me then.  Bending out from the rest of the toes like it was trying to get the foot to change direction.

She would humor me with funny toe stories or about the toes of the gals she knew.  Stories about the Conkley boys.  An infamous neighborhood family from my Mom’s youth, who had more misfortunes and maladies than thought possible.  I’m really not sure they existed. Their’s were merely the stories told so we could end up laughing, or counting our blessings.

Then she would listen to my stories like I was the only grandchild she had.  She had a way of listening that made me feel on stage - in a good way.  A star.

Do I listen like that?  I think I am losing it in the listening department lately.  Is it the times?  Does no one listen to each other any more?  It would certainly explain the split in the country.

I want to listen like a grandma.  Like a lover.  Like a teen ager who has a best friend and is the only one who “gets” her.  Remember the drama of the teen conversation?  The rapt attention paid to every detail?  The standing up for the friend your mom hated?

But we grow older, busy.  The drama gets old, or we get drained.  Maybe, although I would never say, Mom was right….

Who has the time to pick up the phone?  Talk to someone else waiting for his latte?  My God!  What if The Hollies were not listening and didn’t write “Bus Stop?”

Why is this so hard now?

I google books on listening.  There are millions.  There is Active Listening, Intentional Listening, Effective Listening.  It goes on and on.

David Brooks (@nytdavidbrooks) in “How to Know A Person” - which has a whole lot to do with listening, says our attention should be an on/off switch - not a dimmer.  He says to “burn calories” you are listening so hard.

I go to church and the priest tells us to sit in silence and listen to God.  After 20 seconds my mind is like an elevator at the Sears tower* on Monday morning.  Going up and down and stopping at random thoughts.  When I leave, I know that if God calls me:  I will totally miss it.

Everyone in my family thought Grandma loved them best.  Thought she looked at them and “got” them.  She was head of the Democratic Party in her Minnesota county, but she was friends with all the Republicans as well.  I think because she listened.  Probably relaxed people with a funny toe story, then planted her feet in front of them and burned calories listening.

*Sorry Willis Tower.  We just can’t.

Lucy, our granddog, is hands down the most active listener in the family.